This post in the third post in Adoption Attachment Resources series. You can read the other two here and here. Please note there are links to Amazon pages but I am not an Amazon Affiliate at this time so clicking through doesn’t benefit me one way or another. Continue reading
This is part to of my Adoption Attachment Resources series. Read Adoption Attachment Resources – Blogs here.
***So, I totally blew it and the “few days” I mentioned as a timeline for my next post, became 23 days. Mea culpa. I am a terribly inconsistent blogger. A situation I plan to remedy soon. I hope you will find this worth the wait.***
As I alluded to in When Love Is Not Enough, my late husband and I knew in the very early days of my youngest son’s joining our family, we were in over our heads. We began to look around for a practitioner who understood attachment disorder. So three months after returning from Ch*na, we found ourselves sitting in the office of a psychologist who had some experience in attachment disorder. It was by no means his area of expertise, he didn’t claim it, but he was the father of two boys adopted domestically. He spent a few sessions observing our son’s interactions with us, and proclaimed, “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. He seems to be attaching to you well.” I don’t really blame him for thinking this way. My son absolutely manipulated the whole situation. My son, who never once came within two feet of me willingly, spent one entire session leaning on my lap. He gave total eye contact to the therapist. At home he would barely deign to answer our questions, yet with the therapist, he chatted with openly, freely giving answers to questions. False answers, but answers. We couldn’t refute the behavior because our son had the therapist completely bamboozled and we knew it. We left our third session frustrated and dejected. We had not found the right professional. And thus began a three-year journey to try to find the right help. Continue reading
One of the biggest challenges for me as an adoptive parent has been finding the right resources to meet the needs of my children. I mention in my previous posts When Love Is Not Enough and When Love Is Not Enough Part 2 what some of these challenges are which we have faced. When we began our adoption journey we spent a tremendous amount of time researching our children’s special needs, which are cleft lip and palate (two children) and congenital missing ribs resulting in tethered chord syndrome and scoliosis (one child). We interviewed doctors, researched hospitals, talked with other parents raising children with the same special needs. I spent a lot of time researching language acquisition, cultural traditions and holidays, and what it would mean to be a transracial family. The latter was the topic of an entire course we were required to take before adoption #2 to ensure we were sensitive to our child’s birth culture and not raise our child “too white.” You know what really wasn’t on our radar? Reactive Attachment Disorder. Continue reading