When I began this blog, I promised myself I would be authentic, real. Not telling everything but telling it like it is and tough luck if you can’t handle the truth. I have had to sit on this post for quite a while (like four months) because it’s very personal and it involves my kids. However, part of the reason I find myself writing this particular post is because no one really shares the truth about some less fuzzy aspects of adoption. I think the reasons are many. Some believe if you share some of the more unseemly parts of adopting, it will scare people away from adoption. Some, like me, are just plain embarrassed. We feel like we failed or are in some way defective. I mean, look at all the adoptive family blogs on the internet, with smiling gorgeous kids who do all the fabulous things, and love, love, love them all, “we have 10 perfect kids with special needs so let’s add two more!” I am not knocking them, I am just skeptical. There was a time when I arrogantly believed I was an international adoption expert. Then child #4 entered our lives.
I recently read Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. One of the things she says she does in order to attract creativity is to say to inspiration, “I’m here.” It has taken me ages to write this first post on this blog. Ages. Part of the reason is because this blog is part of a bigger plan, my plan to have a website containing all my creative endeavors. This particular space is meant to be a place to think out loud. Steven Pressfield, in his book The War of Art, discusses the various forms that resistance can take in the creative process. Resistance takes the form in my life of fear and perfectionism. Wanting everything to be perfect before launching and fearful of being delusional when it comes to calling myself a “writer,” has kept me in stasis. Here but not here, writing in my head but not on the page. I decided, as most people do when they finally take the plunge into a new career, to just go for it. There will never be a perfect time or the perfect environment or a perfect set up. Life is messy and more than willing to provide endless excuses for inaction. So, I am here. I want to tell you a little about who I am and who I am not. Let me introduce myself. Continue reading